Make It Again...Better!

“You do an awfully good impression of yourself.”

  The opening sentence of every book begins with one artfully composed line that outlines the theme of the book. I have been going through a Bret Easton Ellis phase since college when I read Rules of Attraction. This was before they made the movie. He has the most interesting books. So far I’ve also read Less Than Zero and American Psycho. I have just recently started his ‘biography’ Lunar Park. The word biography is definitely used loosely because when reading, it’s hard to believe what’s real and what’s created for dramatic effect.

  Forever, Rules of Attraction has been my favorite book. I’ve read and reread it many times, as well as, passed it onto many friends. I’ve owned four different copies because of loaning it out and never getting it returned. Plus it comes in paperback so it gets a little worn. It’s the best story of misplaced love. For those who have never read it, the book skips back and forth much like the characters that skip from one bed to another. Each time you read it, the story changes a little. Bret Easton Ellis is a genius. So I thought, at least.  Then my heart is broken…he had actually written it on an 8 week crystal-meth binge. So partly he’s a genius, and partly it was the drugs writing. That didn’t change my opinion on the book.

  DON’T WATCH HIS MOVIES! They will ruin you of the want to read any of his books. Less Than Zero had the makings of a great movie starring Andrew McCarthy and Robert Downey Jr. However, it’s not even remotely like the book except for the fact that Robert Downey Jr.’s character turns to prostitution for drugs. Rules of Attraction was a nightmare. The cast was terrible. My sister can’t even read it without thinking of James Van Der Beek. The movie was way out of order, which is pretty hard to accomplish since the book is all over the place. American Psycho is the most accurate, but anyone who’s read the book will let you know that the best parts were left out. No one who read it could ever forget the part with the rat. They concentrated on Bateman’s obsession with music and left out his fashion obsession, and barely touched on the fact that everyone, besides his intimate circle, kept confusing him for other people. No one knew who he was half the time. So after discussing it with my sister, Whitney and I decided to take a poll and petition a remake. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a movie. If they can make a show on Showtime based on the book The Secret Life of a Call Girl (a book I’ve also read), then American Psycho should be a breeze; especially with the huge success of shows like Dexter and Criminal Minds. So first let’s put together a cast. If you have suggestions on who should play whom….it’s your time to get proactive! Then join the remake American Psycho group on facebook!

Major characters

▪ Patrick Bateman - The central character and narrator.

▪ Evelyn Williams - Bateman's fiancée.

▪ Timothy Price - Bateman's best friend and colleague. Later appears as a teenager in Ellis' novel The Informers.

▪ Paul Owen - Bateman's colleague who is later murdered by Bateman.

▪ Jean - Bateman's secretary, who is in love with him.

▪ Luis Carruthers - Gay co-worker who is in love with Bateman, something that disgusts him.

▪ Courtney Lawrence - Luis' girlfriend who is having an affair with Bateman.

▪ Craig McDermott - Bateman's colleague, part of a social foursome alongside Bateman, Timothy Price and David Van Patten

▪ David Van Patten - Bateman's colleague, also part of Bateman's main social group.

Minor characters

▪ Christie — A prostitute, employed and abused sexually on multiple occasions by Bateman.

▪ Marcus Halberstam — Bateman's colleague; Paul Owen repeatedly mistakes Bateman for Marcus.

▪ Donald Kimball — Private detective hired to investigate Paul Owen's disappearance.

▪ Alison Poole — Sexually assaulted by Bateman, principal character in the novel Story of My Life by Jay McInerney (who is a friend of Ellis's); she also reappears as a main character in Ellis's later novel Glamorama, where she is involved with the lead character, Victor Ward.

▪ Sean Bateman — younger brother of Patrick Bateman and also the lead character of Rules of Attraction.

▪ Paul Denton — friend of Paul Owen, who also appears in The Rules of Attraction where he is possibly romantically involved with Patrick's brother Sean.

▪ Christopher Armstrong — Bateman's colleague at Pierce & Pierce.

▪ Bethany - An old girlfriend of Patrick's whom, after a date, he murders in a particularly heinous manner.

▪ Alex Tang - The video store receptionist.

  So here’s what I’m thinking as far as characters in the remake. They have to be attractive 20-somethings. That’s not hard to find…the problem lies in finding hot 20-something actors who can actually act well. If a remake is going to happen it has to completely out do the first. With a cast including Christian Bale, Josh Lucas, Chloe Sevigny, Reese Witherspoon, Jared Leto, Willem Dafoe, and more, the cast of the remake needs to be outstanding; something along the line of the recently released Valentine’s Day. So once again…

Major characters

▪ Patrick Bateman - 

Zac Efron

▪ Evelyn Williams - 

Emma Watson

▪ Timothy Price - 

Shia Lebeouf / Chace Crawford

▪ Paul Owen - 

Jared Padalecki

▪ Jean - 

Leighton Meester

▪ Luis Carruthers - 

Adam Brody / David Henrie

▪ Courtney Lawrence - 

Allison Michalka / Jessica Stroup

▪ Craig McDermott - 

Chace Crawford / Shaun Sipos

▪ David Van Patten - 

Shia Lebeouf / Jensen Ackles

So I’m definitely running out of ideas so HELP! I realize this is very unlikely to ever happen, but it’s still fun to pretend! You never know…

If it’s all gonna happen sometime…then why not now?