New year-new resolutions! I’m not foreign to this concept. I, like the rest of the world make resolutions that are more than likely not going to be kept. My biggest pet peeve…the weight loss aficionados’ who make the gym a crazy, no parking space available, gossip central, always in my way, almost waist of time venue. So to make the gym a place for both the regulars (like me) and the new resolutioners I’ve comprised a few ground rules.
1) Don’t violate the universal dress code.
1a) Men: if you can see the middle section of your thigh or higher…your shorts are too short. No one want to see your package (this also applies to men in spandex)
1b) Women: if you can see your ass cheeks or are afraid of your labia coming out for a wave during squats…your shorts are too short.
1c) The gym is not a red carpet so no need for enough make up for a clown, a padded strapless bra underneath your sports bra (your not fooling anyone), or enough hair spray it makes you a fire hazard.1d) Wear appropriate footwear. Baggy sweatpants accompanied by unlaced doc martins may be your “signature style” but it makes you look like a douche.
1e) No one, I repeat NO ONE looks good in homemade cut off tank tops with holes so large your nipples can be seen.
2) The bicycle is there to be used for cardio not to be sat on in order to catch up on your TV.
3) It’s not about how fast you can do your workout. If you’re pumping out reps 90 miles to nothing than you’re doing something wrong. Do yourself a favor and get a personal trainer for just a little while to show you the proper way to work out.
4) The gym is not your social hour. Stop taking up machines that other people are waiting for because you want to catch up on the water cooler conversation.
5) Don’t talk to people in the middle of sets. I’m not here to make friends… I’m here to try not to get too fat so obviously it’s not a good time to strike up a convo when I have a 30lb. medicine ball lifted over my head.
6) Don’t hog all the equipment. You are not the only person there. Yesterday, I went to the small women’s area we have to find a woman who took a bench (we only have 2 in the area), a mat (there are only 3), 3 sets of weights, an ab ball (only 3 available), and a medicine ball (only have 1 per each weight). You can not be using all of that at once so grab what you need when your using it and return it when your not. It's called sharing...they teach us this in pre-school. The entire time that woman was there she used the bench to hold her weights and nothing else.
7) Spray equipment down after you use it. It’s so simple! There is a bottle of disinfectant and a cloth at each station, machine, cardio equipment, and area in the gym so there’s not excuse not to wipe up after yourself.
8) If you are going to sweat like a maniac, please take advantage of the free towels offered at the gym and seriously consider bring extra deodorant with you. I had the longest 30 min. of my life when a large sweaty man decided to use the elliptical next to me.
8a) Don’t use the fact that you are going to shower after your workout as an excuse to show up as a stinky, greasy mess getting your nasty funk everywhere.
9) Don’t camp out on the machines. I get that not everyone is on the same schedule as me, but if you are spending 10 minutes in between each rep, please get off and let others work into your sets and don’t think it’s rude if someone asks to work in. It’s not like your ass is going to get smaller just be sitting on the machine.
10) Taking #9 into account- Don’t hover you crazy stalker. I get it; you’re waiting on me to get finished. I have 10 reps; I’ll be done in 30 sec. at most so PLEASE STOP BREATHING DOWN MY NECK!
11) There is no need to be that noisy. If you are grunting and moaning so loud it’s orgasmic- you’re doing something wrong…or completely right and I may be jealous but either way it’s inappropriate for the gym.
12) There is never any reason what so ever to be talking on your cell phone while working out. I don’t care if you feel like you need to prove to friends and family that you’re actually working out by calling everyone you know while on the Precor. As far as I’m concerned the only reason to even have your phone at the gym is if you also use it as your IPOD other wise leave it in your car or lock it in a locker.
12a) There is absolutely NO excuse to have your phone visible in the locker room. With all the nuts out there and with every phone having a camera, it just makes people uncomfortable while changing.
13) Locker room etiquette is simple. Get in- get out. There is no reason to prance about naked for any longer than needed. Towels are there for out of shower use. It is never a pretty picture to see naked people with one leg hiked on the bench applying lotion. News flash…you can still apply lotion to legs while wearing underwear and then no one need to see you business.
14) Bring a re-usable water bottle. In this day and age with the green wave spreading like wild fire, buy a water bottle to fill up instead of filling up the world with plastic bottles.
14a) Plan your water bottle fill up accordingly. Do not fill you gallon size water bottle while 4 people are waiting in line behind. First of all…no one needs to carry that much water around at the gym anyway. If you want the extra weight, get yourself a weighted vest. Secondly, if you possibly drink that much water in the hour to hour and a half you’re working out, then you’re probably wasting half that time running to the bathroom which is not keeping your heart rate up to where it needs to be.
15) Don’t show up late to classes if you’ve never been to it before. I know that sometimes you run late but if it’s your first time joining and your 10 min. late, then considered taking it another time. It's so annoying to the regulars to have a new comer show up late and get in everyone’s way trying to get equipment at the same time as demanding all the attention of the instructor by getting her to explain everything over again just for you.
I’m sure I have forgotten some things, but this is a general guideline to all new and old gym members out there. Of course, if you are lucky enough to have a home gym than you can ignore most of the points and be as nasty and rude as you want.
Happy weight loss or weight gain for all you new and old gym goers. Hopefully these points will make it a nice experience for all. May we all get closer to what we want to look like in this New Year!
If it’s gonna happen sometime…
then why not now?
