#1) It doesn't matter how long you actually 'labored', the fact that you did it all natural (no drugs), or the fact that you did it ALONE; some ignorant asshole will tell you that you had it easy. There is no such thing as a pain free birth and if there is I'd look into a possible drug problem.
*Note to all: It doesn't matter what your story is. Everyone woman thinks they had the worst labor. It's painful and long and there's a freaking 14+ inch head coming out of a hole that is uncomfortable to get a super-plus tampon in. IF YOU ARE MALE-DO NOT COMMENT ON THE EASE OF CHILD BIRTH. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HOW PASSING KIDNEY STONES IS THE SAME THING.
#2) When Dad picks up a crying baby, he's automatically 'so hands on' or 'so helpful' and 'aren't you lucky'. It doesn't matter that Dad had to pick up the baby because Mom is busy cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, running a bath, all at the same time as working 40+ hours a week at a completely different job. Mom is expected to do everything. There are no expectations for Dad- so anytime he steps in he's automatically parent of the year.
#3) Mom reads all the books- Dad takes credit for knowing the information you give him.
* I read 12 baby books while pregnant.* Wes read 1/4 of one.
* Babywise is the book Wes tells all new parents to read because I found it helpful, but he has not even cracked the cover.
#4) Mom puts baby on a schedule and makes sure to stay on it on a daily basis with military precision. Dad tells friends how important a schedule is, but never remembers when it's time for baby to eat or sleep.
#5) No matter how many times you tell him, Dad will never understand why socks need to match babies' outfit. This means even if there is a wardrobe change and the previous socks don't match new outfit- must change to new socks.
*Every moment can be a picture opportunity-the kid must always be ready.
#6) After working a full time job, Mom will want to spend every weekend second with the family playing and hanging out. Dad will be the one who suggest to do something completely selfish: babysitter, fishing, concerts, skiing, etc.
#7) Being with the baby to Mom is playing, exploring, learning, hands on, sitting on the floor together, reading a book... Being with the baby for Dad is hanging out of the sofa, depending on the pacifier, watching the television.
#8) Mom will cut fingernails, take rectal temperature, introduce new food, clean up throw up/poop/snot, prepare food for every baby meal... Dad will tell you how to cut the fingernails correctly, be scared of putting thermometer in butt, only feed tried and true favorite food items, and announce every time they have to change a poopy diaper like they deserve a prize, ask what to feed for every meal.
#9)It is Mom's responsibility to make sure the diaper bag is stocked: diapers, wipes, snacks, toys, pacifier, back up pacifier, change of clothes, hat (both sun hat & beanie because the weather changes easily), sunglasses, camera, etc. Dad will remind you every time you've forgotten something.
#10) No matter what the differences are, or how separate we see parenting- when we see this little guy smile we forget how much our life has changed and can't remember how we enjoyed things without him.
It may be getting about time to double the pleasure. Who knows?
If it's gonna happen sometime...
Then why not now?
