It came to me slowly as a negative being developed.

It has almost been one year since Grafton came and as a look back I've noticed quite a few interesting...well I don't know what to call it- Double Standards, misconceptions, expectations, stereo types, whatever. I've comprised a quick 10 list for those who aren't quite in the know of the expectations of modern day mother. Women's equality hasn't quite gone as far as we hoped.

#1) It doesn't matter how long you actually 'labored', the fact that you did it all natural (no drugs), or the fact that you did it ALONE; some ignorant asshole will tell you that you had it easy. There is no such thing as a pain free birth and if there is I'd look into a possible drug problem.

        *Note to all: It doesn't matter what your story is. Everyone woman thinks they had the worst labor. It's painful and long and there's a freaking 14+ inch head coming out of a hole that is uncomfortable to get a super-plus tampon in. IF YOU ARE MALE-DO NOT COMMENT ON THE EASE OF CHILD BIRTH. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HOW PASSING KIDNEY STONES IS THE SAME THING.

#2) When Dad picks up a crying baby, he's automatically 'so hands on' or 'so helpful' and 'aren't you lucky'. It doesn't matter that Dad had to pick up the baby because Mom is busy cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, running a bath, all at the same time as working 40+ hours a week at a completely different job. Mom is expected to do everything. There are no expectations for Dad- so anytime he steps in he's automatically parent of the year.

#3) Mom reads all the books- Dad takes credit for knowing the information you give him.

        * I read 12 baby books while pregnant.
        * Wes read 1/4 of one.
        * Babywise is the book Wes tells all new parents to read because I found it helpful, but he has not even cracked the cover.

#4) Mom puts baby on a schedule and makes sure to stay on it on a daily basis with military precision. Dad tells friends how important a schedule is, but never remembers when it's time for baby to eat or sleep.

#5) No matter how many times you tell him, Dad will never understand why socks need to match babies' outfit. This means even if there is a wardrobe change and the previous socks don't match new outfit- must change to new socks.
        *Every moment can be a picture opportunity-the kid must always be ready.


#6) After working a full time job, Mom will want to spend every weekend second with the family playing and hanging out. Dad will be the one who suggest to do something completely selfish: babysitter, fishing, concerts, skiing, etc.

#7) Being with the baby to Mom is playing, exploring, learning, hands on, sitting on the floor together, reading a book... Being with the baby for Dad is hanging out of the sofa, depending on the pacifier, watching the television.

#8) Mom will cut fingernails, take rectal temperature, introduce new food, clean up throw up/poop/snot, prepare food for every baby meal... Dad will tell you how to cut the fingernails correctly, be scared of putting thermometer in butt, only feed tried and true favorite food items, and announce every time they have to change a poopy diaper like they deserve a prize, ask what to feed for every meal.

#9)It is Mom's responsibility to make sure the diaper bag is stocked: diapers, wipes, snacks, toys, pacifier, back up pacifier, change of clothes, hat (both sun hat & beanie because the weather changes easily), sunglasses, camera, etc. Dad will remind you every time you've forgotten something.

#10) No matter what the differences are, or how separate we see parenting- when we see this little guy smile we forget how much our life has changed and can't remember how we enjoyed things without him. 

It may be getting about time to double the pleasure. Who knows?

If it's gonna happen sometime...

         Then why not now?

The Day Our Whole World Changed

March 26th- 36 weeks 6 days pregnant

5:30pm
      Begin to get ready for St. John's Annual Spring fling benefit. Shower, Shave, Hair, Make-up and heels (for first time in months).

7:00pm

      Arrive at Jackson Lake Lodge to begin the evening's shindig. Begin with cocktail hour.

8:00pm
      Seated and dinner is served. Haven't eaten all day so STARVING. Slightly pissed at Wes for not feeding me (cause it's always his fault and all).

8:30pm
      Band begins. People begin to either dance or leave.

9:00pm
      Phillip and Kristen join our table.

9:05pm
      Table wine is running low.

9:15pm
      I begin to go to the abandoned tables to collect leftover wine bottles. I figure if I have to be sober, the least I can do is entertain myself by getting everyone else sloshed. No glass left unfilled policy! 

10:00pm

      Master plan is working! (Wayne's World Moment)

10:30pm
      Finally got Wes drunk enough to begin dancing.

11:30pm
      Music's still going but crowd is starting to dwindle. Dancing shoes are really getting broken in now.

March 27th- 37 weeks pregnant

12:00am

      Wes is starting to get a second wind, I'm starting to try to pack it up.

12:30am
      Get in car to drive the 40 min. back to the house. I begin to have a feeling in my belly.

1:15am
      Finally back at home. Get in bed but contractions are too annoying to really sleep. I assume they're just braxton hicks. Wes' drunk ass is passed out.

3:00am
      Google 'How Do You Know If You're Really in Labor'. It says if you can walk it off then the contraction is probably a braxton hicks and not real labor. Stupid me, convincing myself that this is not happening just walked up and down the hallway until they stopped. Anyone can tell you if you walk long enough any contraction will stop.

4:00am
      Doing a lot of walking.

5:00am
      Start feeling like I need to go to the bathroom so in between walking the hallway, keep stopping by the toilet to use it. Sometimes I do and others I don't.

6:00am
      Begin to realize that this could actually be real. 

6:25am
      Go back into the bedroom to get my phone to start timing the contractions with an app I have. As I begin to reach over to grab it I feel a weird sensation in my belly and run to the bathroom as liquid starts dripping down m legs. Make it to the toilet in time for most to get in the bowl and not make a mess.

6:30am
      Wake up Wes and say,"I think my water just broke". Wes' first mistake- "Are you sure?" "Well either I just peed on myself or my water just broke". In his still drunken state he looks at me dazed. So I call my Mom and wake her up for help to find out if my water broke or not. She's in a sleeping state so not much help. Call the hospital and explain I'm not sure what's happening.

6:40am
      Make Wes get up and start getting ready for the hospital. Change clothes, brush teeth, get in car.

7:00am
      Make it to the hospital and get settled into triage room. Quickly get annoyed with Wes. Hot as hell. Ask repeatedly to turn the air down. Wes' second mistake- grabs my gown and tries to flap it to cool me off. My first time remembering being a bitch- I slap his hand away. After I swat him away he grabs a pillow to fan me with (much better option).

7:10am
      Getting really annoyed with Nurse and the stupid monitors they put on me. I'm going to a natural childbirth and begin to think I'm not going to be able to do it.

7:15am
      Keep escaping to the bathroom to be alone, plus I still feel like I need to use the bathroom.

7:25am
      Nurse comes in to check to see how far dilated I am. (Dr. still not there)6cm. Time to move to the LDR. Rest along the way because of apparently my legs don't work during contractions.

7:45am
      Nurses try unsuccessfully to get an IV in 3 different occasions.

8:00am
      On the floor to the side of the bed while nurses mess with the IV. It feels best to be on hands and knees. Really feel like if I could just poop I'd feel so much better. At this point I've lost my sense of embarrassment of poop so thinking about trying.

8:03am
      Decide these people have seen poop before so go for it. Fluid rushes all around me and I realize that maybe I should have told someone about my decision to poop. Look between my legs and see a purple balloon and scream, "What is that". Wes' third mistake- while at my head, lifts up my gown to check (like he's a doctor or something. What the hell is a drunk husband going to know about it?) My second time remembering being a bitch-"Don't look at me"

8:04am
      Nurse runs over from the other side of bed (Still no Doctor). "We got a head here", she says. Still on hands and knees on the floor beside the bed.

8:05am
      Already pushing again without knowing it and the rest of him arrives. Wes, "It's a boy". I'm screaming "Is it ok, wait it's a boy?" I think he hit the floor because I felt all alone, but thankfully the nurse caught him. Wes had to tip toe through the nasty mess I made on the floor to cut the umbilical cord. I didn't get to see it cause of course I'm on my hands and knees still and all the action is behind me.

Grafton Collings Schreiber

6lbs. 1oz

8:05am

Born the way a horse is.

We weren't prepared. We didn't have a hospital bag packed, the car seat was not installed, didn't think to bring a camera, and I spent the six hours before his birth trying to get his daddy drunk for my entertainment. At least I shaved my legs because of the Spring Fling. We were blessed. 24 hours made the difference of him not being premature. Besides some tearing, there were no complications during labor. The doctor finally arrived 15 minutes after he was born to remove the placenta and sew me up. I was not a happy pregnant person, so I'll never complain about him being early since he was healthy. And so it is...

If it's gonna happen sometime,

      Then why not now?

Contaminated Water

It started with one of our best friends Patrick and Amanda.

Baby Reed Allen Broughton- Born February 29th at 7:19. 

10lbs, 1oz, 22 inches.

Next, was Wes's brother Matt and his wife Danielle.

Baby Brianna June Schreiber- born March 12th at 11:52.

8lbs, 6oz, 21inches.

Then, on March 14th Whitney announces to Facebook that her and Maurizio are expecting as well.

Baby Iris Alba Ferrarese will be arriving this July or earlier because apparently Whitney is having a super tall baby cause they keep moving her due date all around.




Well, I guess Wes and I have been hiding under a rock long enough or more like in a hole- Jackson Hole. This may come as no surprise, but we are expecting as well. In effort for Whit and I to drive Mom completely crazy, the fates aligned and I am due June 17th, exactly two weeks apart. Because I'm out in Jackson with an altitude of 6200ft. My Dr. says I'll probably have a small baby and definitely be later than the predicted due date. This makes the gap even closer. At least they just added a direct flight from Jackson to Houston, helping Mom cope a little better.


Meet the future baby Schreiber. No, we don't know what it is and no, we're not finding out. Both Wes and I know that there are very few surprises left in life. All I know is that this sucker won't stop moving and punching me.

Well you know us, never ones to miss out on the party. It must have been something in the water. It'll be a Jackson born baby (one of only 400 in a year), but soon enough we'll all be back in the south east to raise it with the best. No matter how prepared you may feel for something like this, it still scares the crap out me. But as I always say-

If it's gonna happen sometime...

     Then why not now?

Just for fun:

How NOT to Be a Good House Guest

This past weekend Wes and I traveled to Carbondale, Co. (outside Aspen) to visit friends and go skiing on a new and different mountainside. We've stayed with John and Jessica before and they let us bring our pups with us which is super convenient and their pups get along well with ours so they play constantly, but this time Kris and Terrin were also coming so it was a full house. They are lucky enough to be renting an amazing place while they're on site so there was plenty of room for all of us. I like to think that Wes and I are pretty low key guest and we always pick up after ourselves and try to be almost invisible leaving the place exactly, if not better than how we found it. This trip, however was not that case.

We both took off Friday because it's an 8 hour drive to their house. By the time we got into town they were still skiing so we unloaded our car and set up Kahlua's kennel to put her in but left Duke out cause he's 11 and awesome so no need to worry about him. Wrong. We went to grab some dog food from Petco cause it's like $20 cheaper than any dog food here in Jackson. By the time we got back, Duke decided he wanted to throw up his breakfast (from 10 hours before) all over their carpet. So Wes cleaned it up. To add to it, their dog Gracie decided she wanted Wes to pick up after her too. So she took a crap next to the throw up pile. It all came up easy, but believe it or not that wasn't the biggest thing to happened this weekend.

Wes, deciding to ignore all my previous warnings since the day we met, as well as the completely empty trashcan with trash bag next to the toilet, flushed the paper towels he used DOWN THE TOILET! He used like half a roll of paper towels and thought because he flushed only 3-4 at a time that he was ok. Once again- WRONG.

Neither one of us knew anything was wrong until the next morning. I went to use the bathroom and realized it wouldn't flush so I told Wes. They were leaving early to go skiing so he quickly began to plunge it. After working on it a while he came and told me, a half asleep girl, that he couldn't fix it but would work on it later. When I got up an hour or so later to take a shower and go out with the girls I noticed that not only was it not even remotely fixed, but Wes left the plunger in the toilet and the water had somewhat overflowed. Afraid to try to flush it I disgustingly scooped out water and put in the tub to drain and cleaned up the overflow. I then took a shower and noticed that the water in the tub didn't drain well either but didn't think much of it. I just showered fast and went on.

Jessica, Terrin and I went to Aspen for the day while the boys skied and I didn't tell either of them because I didn't think anything of it cause the water wasn't still running or anything and I didn't want to embarrass Wes. Plus, what was the worst that could happen. I figured he'd just have to snake the drain later and all would be well. Again--WRONG.

We got back to the house around 6pm to find that not only had the toilet overflowed, but it flooded the bathroom (which is a Jack & Jill style) leaking into both adjoining bedrooms and down through the speakers in the main floor into the master bedroom. It was a steady flow of water leaking downstairs. Immediately, I called Wes to get his ass home NOW!

When the boys finally got there, we had the water turned off and already used every towel in the joint to try to soak up water. Wes got on a ladder and took the speaker out of the ceiling releasing tons of water. There was over 1/4th inch of water sitting on the ceiling dry wall on top of all the other water that was already soaking the two floors. The boys (a little drunk from skiing and drinking all day) sprung into action. Thank GOD they work in the business. John was able to get his drywall guy to leave the bar and come check everything out. Oh i guess I forgot to mention this was St. Patty's day night. So Wes and John ran to get shop vacs and things from the job site and Terrin and I went to the grocery store to rent a rug doctor to try to soak up the water.

By the time the boys got back Kris had already used the rug doctor to get up over 4 gallons of water out of the carpet. Wes took the baseboard off and took back the carpet, we set up heaters and fans and opened all the windows just trying to dry it all out. John snaked the tub, finding all types of nasty thing (except paper towels) and again plunged the toilet and finally got it to flush and move the water along. What had happened is that the clog of paper towels created so much pressure that water from all three floors of the house came up through the wax ring on the toilet. So my shower, Terrin's shower, Jessica's shower, anyone's restroom trips, etc. was now breaking through the seal on the toilet and flooding the place.

Happy St. Patrick's day! After skiing and shopping all day, our plan was to clean up and go out to celebrate, instead we're on our hands and knees cleaning up pee and bath water. Thanks Wes. Now John and Jessica have to deal with the inconvenience of having their ceiling ripped out and re-drywalled. At least it won't cost them anything thanks to the business their in, but it's still a mess that no one wants to deal with. I seriously doubt their speaker will work again. We made it super clear (I hope) to send us the bill for anything out of pocket.

So that was it you'd think. Wrong. Of course Kahlua needs attention too. So this morning she decided to get in on the action. After playing with Jolie all morning she decided to take a break by walking right up to Kris and throwing up on his shoe and leg. What in the world. Our dogs do not do this. When we left around 1 today, I'm sure everyone was ready for it. Who knows what else could have happened if we stayed any longer. I've never been so embarrassed and pissed (at Wes)and completely helpless. Yeah, we can't control when our pups get upset stomachs but we are adults and can control what goes into the toilet. It was a nightmare.

So, who's ready for us to come and visit? After all-


If it's gonna happen sometime...
      Then why not now?

Oh Christmas Tree!

Ahhhhhh- the joy of finding the perfect Christmas tree.

     This year Wes and I decided to pull a Christmas Vacation and go out and chop down our own tree. Living out here surrounded by national forest and reserves, finding an area to look for a tree was not a problem so about a week after Thanksgiving, Wes and I went and got our $10 tree permit and set out in search of our tree.

     Before we set out on our excursion, I went through a semi-check list with Wes just to make sure he thought things through. This is when the comparisons between Wes and Clark Griswold came to the forefront. So to help others who are considering chopping down their own tree, I've come up with some helpful advice to make your trip go more smoothly than ours.

1)Invest or rent snow shoes. You will be walking in snow for a minimum of 1 hour in search of a tree so it helps if snow is not filling your shoes. My snow boots almost reach my knees but the more we ventured into the forest, the deeper the snow got and it wasn't long before the snow was almost mid thigh on me. Wes doesn't own a pair of snow boots yet so his dumb ass was marching through it in a pair of Carhartts and steel toe work boots. He is quite a bit taller than me so it didn't affect him the same.

2) Maybe the most important- Bring a motorized saw. I asked Wes before we left if he brought a saw and he assured me yes (I definitely didn't want a true Christmas Vacation moment). This is probably where I went wrong. When we pulled up to the national park and began to unload I asked about the saw and Wes handed my a hatchet. Seriously? Was he expecting me to go all Paul Bunyan on this tree? No, of course not- the hatchet was part of our bear defense 'just in case'.

      2a)Bring bear spray- or a gun!

What you may ask was the method to disconnect the tree from the earth? When we finally decided on a tree Wes whipped out, from his pocket no less, a saw that was maybe six inches long. 

Sydney:'That's what we're supposed to use to cut this thing down?'

Wes:'It's got a crazy sharp blade."

A good rule of thumb is, if it can fit in your pocket, you probably need something better. So in about 20-30 minutes with snow filled shoes, soaking wet pants, and multiple switch hitting we finally cut through the trunk of our frozen solid tree.

     2b) If you are smart enough to bring a battery operated saw, make sure to bring multiple batteries since the cold tends to make batteries die faster.

3)Invest in a sled. Why you ask? If you think walking through three feet of fresh powder is hard- try dragging a 10+feet tree through it. If we had a sled, not only would we not get sap all over our gloves, but we could have put the tree on top of the sled and easily pulled in back the 1 1/2 miles back to the car. I know it was 1.3 miles because Wes' dad gave him a gps hiking tracker for his birthday and at least we were smart enough to use it as to not get lost from our car.

4)Go early. We took off at about 3:30 to go on this scavenger hunt and it was dark when we finally got the tree on the car. No matter how often you drive around and say 'That'd be the perfect Christmas tree', when you get out and actually look; you'll find something wrong with all of them. After a while you get tired and they all start to look the same so you settle.

5) Bring straps. Unless you have a very large truck bed, chances are you'll need something to tie the tree down to keep it from entering the highway on the way home. Luckily, we were smart enough to remember this rule before hand so no problems there. We even brought an old sheet to wrap the bottom of the tree to help prevent paint scratches and excessive sap off the roof of the car.

6)Bring a tape measure. I asked Wes if he thought he needed on before we left and he said, 'No, I can just stand next to it and raise my arm to get an idea'. Classic Clark. After two days in the garage to de-thaw, I decided to get it ready to bring in. Before I did, I thankfully thought to measure it. In the home we're renting out here, the living room has 9 foot ceilings.  When I measured the tree I quickly realized I needed to find 35 inches to take off (which I did so using a battery operated saw taking me no time; yes we had one the whole time) somewhere without ruining the look of the tree. So much for Wes' guesstimation skills. When you're surrounded by trees, all of them either look way too huge or super small. Charlie Brown would have had a hay day out there; I found plenty that looked like his tree.

     After all the effort, our tree turned out to be more of a Christmas bush than a Christmas tree. Thankfully it didn't come with a squirrel, catch fire (yet), or break any windows when we set it up, but we did have to move around our furniture to try to get it to fit and we ended up cutting an addition 6 inches off after we got it inside. It turned out to be three trees connected to one trunk. Now the corner of our living room looks like we brought the forest home. The tree is not symmetrical so it was constantly leaning, in order to fix it we tied it off to the wall. It still leans forward a bit, but I no longer wake up in the middle of the night thinking I just heard it crash.

     I hope these little tips will help some of you on your future venture out to the woods in hunt of your perfect Christmas Tree. I'm not sure if we'll do this again or not next year but at least we'll be more prepared for it if we do.

If it's gonna happen sometime...

     Then why not now?

Exploring Jackson: Doggy-Style

When Wes and I first started dating one of the things we enjoyed most was taking Duke to the rock beach in Auburn to let him go swimming. We would drink beer and entertain ourselves for hours watching him dive down to get a rock and bring it to us.


We would throw a rock and Duke would swim out to the exact spot it landed, dive down till all we saw was his tail wagging back and forth, and bring back a rock with so much confidence because he truly thought it was the exact same rock we threw. It didn't matter to him that the rock was twice the size or black (when we threw white), or covered in algea. He knew deep in his doggy heart that he was a retriever and he retrieved exactly what we threw.


Duke has a lot of memories in or around this creek. He was on his way to swim here when he jumped out of the back of the truck bed and got ran over at only 6 months old and he was also here when he caught a rock mid air and chipped his bottom canine at 1 1/2 years. Wes, still to this day says, "I bet he could catch a bigger rock, though, if he had his tooth." Duke has never been a very good bird dog (through lack of training) but he will always be a great rock  (stick, ball, food, water bottle, etc.) retriever. We don't need to spend money on dog toys because he's easily entertained with what nature has to offer.


A couple of Sundays ago we decided to take the dogs to the creek. When we got to the spot we initially intended on going it was crowded so we went to explore elsewhere and we found the perfect secluded spot to be able to take them off their leash and swim a bit in the cold Snake River runoff Flat Creek. It didn't take them long to hop on in.

With Duke leading the way, Kahlua and him swam on the natural treadmill created by the current of the creek. We had to call them out of the water a couple of times to get them out for rest since we were afraid of them cramping up and drowning in the cold water and neither one of us wanted to get in after them. It didn't take long for Duke to come and stand at our feet with a big smile and tail waggin', nudging the rocks our way indicating it was time for him to 'really play'.

Duke may be 11 years old now, but when it comes to swimming and fetching he's still on the ball like a pup. Kahlua had no chance of catching up. One thing has changed since those days in Auburn. He now likes to collect his prizes and put them in pile rather than bring them back to us. I guess he's tired of fetching the same rock over and over again. Wes and I find this so entertaining so we taped it for you. It's much better to see his pride in person but for now this will do.

After their long workout, being the nice parents we are, we unintentionally decided to also take them on a 6 mile hike around Snow King. At least on the hike they were able to be leash free. It was a pretty sight to see and our first time to venture out on the many hiking/mountain bike trails that Jackson has to offer.

This place is definitely in it's own world with not a whole lot of superficial, pretentious things to offer but everywhere you look, you see beauty. I'm not a super religious person, but it's hard for me to look around this area and not see God in all of it.


Needless to say, after the dogs big adventure swimming in the creek and hiking around Snow King they were very pooped. When we got home neither one even had enough energy to beg for their supper. For those of you that truly know Duke, you know that a huge deal; especially since he is king of the ultimate 'poor me, nobody every feeds me' stare down. This was the aftermath...

Aren't they beautiful here? Little do they know that this was just the first of their many outdoor excursions in Jackson. This place was made to be spent outside. Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall- outside is where you'll find us all!

If it's gonna happen sometime...

    Then why not now?

Turn Left; Go Straight No more!

Until now the only real car race I've ever seen had been Nascar. Boy was I missing out.


Our first week living in Jackson, the Teton County Fair was in town. Wes can't ride any fair rides because he gets sick so we stayed away from it at first. But then I got a craving for funnel cake. So on the last night of the fair, Wes and I rode our bikes down to it.


When we got there we saw a long line waiting to get into the rodeo arena. On the sign outside was an advertisement for the figure 8 race. Neither one of us knew what that was, but we saw a bunch of dumpy cars lined up to go into the arena so we figured it was a type of demolition derby. We were definitely up for some good ole' western redneck fun.


A figure 8 race is so much better than a demolition derby. In a demolition derby, it's just a chaos of cars running into each other to see who's the last one standing. In a figure 8 race, there are rules and regulations, but because the race track is in the shape of an 8 (hence the name) you get the highlight of crashes. Think about it...the best part of Nascar is the possibility of a crash. 

Gentlemen (and ladies) start your engines-

First let's go over the rules:

1)The Car: any small, front wheel drive 4-cylinder with wheelbase 104" or smaller is accepted. No Turbo engines, pick-ups of 4X4's. Welding is allowed on the driver's door only; welding anywhere else is immediate disqualification. Cars must be stock- no "strippers'. All chrome, fiberglass, die cast metals and glass must be completely removed and vacuumed out of inside of doors, passenger compartment and trunk. Driver's door must remain securely fastened at all times. Car must contain original, factory made, functioning lap and shoulder belt. NOTE: Seat belt grab or slack-adjusting ratchet MUST be removed or secured/blocked to prevent over tensioning of belt upon rear impact. All airbags Must be disconnected or removed. Bumpers must be original. No push bumpers. Cars must have numbers place on each side of car (at least 10" high), on the top and the deck lid. All four tires must be the same size and be at factory recommended air pressure. No antifreeze or additives – water only. Driver’s window net is mandatory. No holes are to be cut in roof – factory sunroofs only. Driver’s door must be fluorescent orange or green and the rest of the car must be a different color.

2)The winner is determined by the first car to cross the finish line after a pre-determined number of laps. Therefore, cars must remain in a forward motion EXCEPT if a bottleneck occurs at a corner. Reverse will be allowed to clear the corner only. Deliberate contact while in reverse will result in a disqualification.

3) Drivers must remain alert to signals by the Field Judges. A black flag is sign of Disqualification. A red flag is an Emergency Stop sign and All drivers Must stop until signaled to continue. A green flag indicates it is okay to go. A yellow flag means to slow down and no position changes.

4) You can get disqualified for the following: Leaking gas, hung-up on a berm, reckless driving, leaving the Figure “8”, sitting dead on the course, fire, and intentionally leaving the Figure “8” pattern so as to intentionally hit another car.

5)If a car is pushed into the berm, the race will be stopped and the car will go to the rear of the pack and the race will be restarted. Cars will be aligned bumper to bumper. A car will be eliminated after being pushed into the berm three times.

6)Drivers will complete 15 laps in the first races; drivers will complete 20 laps in the Winner’s Heat. 

Basically, you get the cheapest factory made car you can find and take everything out of it except the front seat and seat belt, weld the drivers side door shut, put up a net and you're good to drive as fast as you can in the shape of a 8 and hope your car still moves to get you through to the finals. You don't have to win the pre-lims cause they take the top three in each heat to finals. If you win the finals you get a whopping $13,000. (I'd take it)

Now off to the races...

 The first heats were the best because the cars came out fresh and not smashed in. Wes and I kept trying to pick the cars that we thought would win. They had eight heats before they went into the pre-lims then they had the final. Out of all 15 races that were held, neither one of us chose the correct winner even once.

By the 9th and 10 heats, the cars were pretty beat up and it was not uncommon to see the other cars giving some a nice, helpful push around corners to make the race go faster.

 To help with the dust factor, a water truck comes out and wets the track every seven-or-so races which helps entertain the crowd with lots of spin outs.

 The key player in this whole event was the backhoe driver. If the car becomes so stuck that even your pit crew can't push you out or if your car dies, this man steps into action to help you out. He was a very busy man all night. Although, most of the time if the driver was patient enough, someone would eventually loose control and ram into the back of you which in time would knock you loose and get you back in the race. This happened more often than not. 


The most entertaining car was the one that would never die. There was one that, I kid you not, was at one point running on rims and still found a way around the track each lap. Just when you thought he was down and out and stuck in the dirt, someone would loose control and ram him to put him back in the game. He somehow made it into the second round of the finals only to have his drivers door get hit and then it wouldn't stay closed, which disqualified him on the spot. As he drove out of the arena, holding his door shut by his arm, he got a standing ovation and round of applause. He was the crowd favorite for sure.

I think the beaters were the crowd favorites because you were always surprised at what they could accomplish. The cars that looked the best seemed to be the most dissappointing. Especially this car. He came out revving his engine, peeling out, with a brand new paint job, sponsors pasted all over and even a cross bar centered on his hood indicating he meant business, but he only made it through three races before he was down and out. Then you have these guys who have a custom paint jobs made from spray paint, no sponsors and barely a functioning car that fought for every inch they could get. It was insane.

 But their time too must come to an end. In a town completely centered are the green way of living, they sure did make a lot of scrap metal in the blink of an eye. And so it went: Step-By-Step, One-By-One, they all fall down like toy soldiers.

 The highlight of the night was definitely when one of the cars finally caught fire. I've never seen so many drunk people stand up (in unison) so fast. The race patrol jumped on that fire like white on rice before I could even get a clear, good picture. Still, from the smoke and people you can see what happened. And as fast as the fire began, it was out and the race was back on. Don't worry, no one was hurt.

So next year when you're sitting around hungover after July 4th and wondering what else you can accomplish before summer ends, remember that every year at the end of July in Jackson, WY. the fair comes to town and with it brings the chaos, thrill, and Western Redneck drunkenness of figure 8 racing. For just $50, you could even enter to try your luck at surviving the mayhem.

Just think that could be you one day. You never know? After all-


If it's gonna happen sometime...
    Then why not now?


Oh and I never did get my funnel cake fix...something else to look forward to enjoying next year!