March 26th- 36 weeks 6 days pregnant
5:30pm
Begin to get ready for St. John's Annual Spring fling benefit. Shower, Shave, Hair, Make-up and heels (for first time in months).
7:00pm
8:00pm
Seated and dinner is served. Haven't eaten all day so STARVING. Slightly pissed at Wes for not feeding me (cause it's always his fault and all).
8:30pm
Band begins. People begin to either dance or leave.
9:00pm
Phillip and Kristen join our table.
9:05pmTable wine is running low.
9:15pm
I begin to go to the abandoned tables to collect leftover wine bottles. I figure if I have to be sober, the least I can do is entertain myself by getting everyone else sloshed. No glass left unfilled policy!
10:00pm
10:30pm
Finally got Wes drunk enough to begin dancing.
11:30pm
Music's still going but crowd is starting to dwindle. Dancing shoes are really getting broken in now.
March 27th- 37 weeks pregnant
12:00am
12:30am
Get in car to drive the 40 min. back to the house. I begin to have a feeling in my belly.
1:15am
Finally back at home. Get in bed but contractions are too annoying to really sleep. I assume they're just braxton hicks. Wes' drunk ass is passed out.
3:00am
Google 'How Do You Know If You're Really in Labor'. It says if you can walk it off then the contraction is probably a braxton hicks and not real labor. Stupid me, convincing myself that this is not happening just walked up and down the hallway until they stopped. Anyone can tell you if you walk long enough any contraction will stop.
4:00am
Doing a lot of walking.
5:00am
Start feeling like I need to go to the bathroom so in between walking the hallway, keep stopping by the toilet to use it. Sometimes I do and others I don't.
6:00am
Begin to realize that this could actually be real.
6:25am
Go back into the bedroom to get my phone to start timing the contractions with an app I have. As I begin to reach over to grab it I feel a weird sensation in my belly and run to the bathroom as liquid starts dripping down m legs. Make it to the toilet in time for most to get in the bowl and not make a mess.
6:30am
Wake up Wes and say,"I think my water just broke". Wes' first mistake- "Are you sure?" "Well either I just peed on myself or my water just broke". In his still drunken state he looks at me dazed. So I call my Mom and wake her up for help to find out if my water broke or not. She's in a sleeping state so not much help. Call the hospital and explain I'm not sure what's happening.
6:40am
Make Wes get up and start getting ready for the hospital. Change clothes, brush teeth, get in car.
7:00am
Make it to the hospital and get settled into triage room. Quickly get annoyed with Wes. Hot as hell. Ask repeatedly to turn the air down. Wes' second mistake- grabs my gown and tries to flap it to cool me off. My first time remembering being a bitch- I slap his hand away. After I swat him away he grabs a pillow to fan me with (much better option).
7:10am
Getting really annoyed with Nurse and the stupid monitors they put on me. I'm going to a natural childbirth and begin to think I'm not going to be able to do it.
7:15am
Keep escaping to the bathroom to be alone, plus I still feel like I need to use the bathroom.
7:25am
Nurse comes in to check to see how far dilated I am. (Dr. still not there)6cm. Time to move to the LDR. Rest along the way because of apparently my legs don't work during contractions.
7:45am
Nurses try unsuccessfully to get an IV in 3 different occasions.
8:00am
On the floor to the side of the bed while nurses mess with the IV. It feels best to be on hands and knees. Really feel like if I could just poop I'd feel so much better. At this point I've lost my sense of embarrassment of poop so thinking about trying.
8:03am
Decide these people have seen poop before so go for it. Fluid rushes all around me and I realize that maybe I should have told someone about my decision to poop. Look between my legs and see a purple balloon and scream, "What is that". Wes' third mistake- while at my head, lifts up my gown to check (like he's a doctor or something. What the hell is a drunk husband going to know about it?) My second time remembering being a bitch-"Don't look at me"
8:04am
Nurse runs over from the other side of bed (Still no Doctor). "We got a head here", she says. Still on hands and knees on the floor beside the bed.
8:05am
Already pushing again without knowing it and the rest of him arrives. Wes, "It's a boy". I'm screaming "Is it ok, wait it's a boy?" I think he hit the floor because I felt all alone, but thankfully the nurse caught him. Wes had to tip toe through the nasty mess I made on the floor to cut the umbilical cord. I didn't get to see it cause of course I'm on my hands and knees still and all the action is behind me.
Grafton Collings Schreiber
6lbs. 1oz
8:05am
Born the way a horse is.
We weren't prepared. We didn't have a hospital bag packed, the car seat was not installed, didn't think to bring a camera, and I spent the six hours before his birth trying to get his daddy drunk for my entertainment. At least I shaved my legs because of the Spring Fling. We were blessed. 24 hours made the difference of him not being premature. Besides some tearing, there were no complications during labor. The doctor finally arrived 15 minutes after he was born to remove the placenta and sew me up. I was not a happy pregnant person, so I'll never complain about him being early since he was healthy. And so it is...
If it's gonna happen sometime,
Then why not now?
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