The Joker Reincarnated

“All of these lines across my face

Tell you the story of who I am

So many stories of where I’ve been

And how I got to where I am”

In 2005 Brandi Carlile released her single ‘The Story’ and the first thing I thought when I finally listened and understood the lyrics was…Isn’t she a little young to have ‘All of these lines across her face’. At the date of the release she was exactly the same age as I am now. I never truly understood why she would age herself but then yesterday I gave myself a makeshift facial and it all became clear.

Basically, once or twice a month I do a deep pore cleanse, followed by blackhead removing Biore strips, and then one or two different masks. Yesterday, I followed the same routine. I have this Swiss mask that’s a deep cleaning clay mask which is suppose to firm and tighten, improving skin’s elasticity for smooth, radiant skin. Wes always tells me I smell like mud, or laughs at me when I have it on because it’s this bright shade of blue and when it dries it lightens and hardens. All is usually normal, 20 minutes later I wash and my skin feels smooth. But then there was yesterday…

Maybe it was because I was feeling a little down (refer to first blog) or because I haven’t noticed it before, but when it came time to wash this mask off…there they were. All these lines I’ve never noticed before. I looked like Heath Ledger as the joker. I’ve never been a smoker, sure there were the times in college when I was hammered and bummed a cigarette or in high school when I thought I was cool and stole them from my dad but not enough to cause ALL of what I saw in the mirror. I went out immediately and bought lots of wrinkle cream. I’ll be damned if I’m going to look like I have a full time pleated mustache when I grow up.

I’ve always said that I wish I’d have taken a naked picture of myself when I was in high school during my prime. Not anything like retards today are doing. I wouldn’t give it to a silly boy or sext it to the rest of the class. I just want it to hold on to so that if I were feeling down I could look at it and think…you were hot once and you can totally be that way again. It would even prove helpful with Wes when he had done something to piss me off and I could show it to him and say ‘I looked like this once, you should feel lucky to have me. What if I get that way again and someone else gets to enjoy it?’. It would totally be the best motivation.

My mom has always said that one of her skinniest times of her life was after she had my sister and I. I guess that’s one thing about having children that I get to look forward to. You better believe if that’s the case I’m going to go out and get a mold of my body or like a painting done where no one really knows it’s me. It has to be really artistic looking, nothing gaudy, so that I can hang it somewhere in my home and when people see it, they’ll appreciate it as the art it is. Then one day someone will be like, I wish I looked like that and I could think…yeah you do and really know it’s me but they won’t, or maybe they will. I guess it depends on if they read my blog or not. Until later I guess…

If it’s all gonna happen sometime, then why not now?