Efficiency at it’s finest!

Wes is nothing if not efficient sometimes. There’s a pine tree that was cut down over a year ago that has been sitting in our back yard ever since. He tried cutting it into pieces but that took all day to cut like 4 logs with lots of breaks to sharpen the chain saw blades (and drink beer). So he decided to burn the whole damn thing. He’s been waiting for a break in the rain schedule to let the wood dry out and he finally got that break this week. So today on the hottest day of the year so far, Wes lit fire to our pine tree pile behind the house. He had one big issue. There was no wind to keep it flaming and help it spread and thrive soooooooo Wes does this…

Yes that is a genius at work using a leaf blower to stimulate the fire. We won’t mention the fact that he’s walking around on a rotten tree trunk that’s on fire.

It worked at least and he didn't even hurt himself thinking :)Finally, we're one step closer to not looking like Samford and Sons with a termite infested rotten tree cluttering up the back yard but I know his real motive...he had to clear the tree to get the yard ready for a giant slip-n-slide. You're not fooling me Mr. Schreiber. Oh well, not matter the reason I'm just happy to have it GONE!

If it's gonna happen sometime,

    Then why not now?

Mrs. Doubtfire

Wes and I recently found out that his half brother and sister were coming to visit us on Tuesday for the week. When I say recently I mean Wes called his brother on Friday and he told him. Then today we found out that they decided to come Monday instead. We have been crazy busy with our friends wedding this past weekend so it’s definitely not ideal to hear news like this such last minute especially since I haven’t been on top of my house keeping duties like I should because I’ve been trying to get Justyne’s wedding dress finished for her wedding Saturday.

Sunday is clean day (mainly because it had to be). Wes is the funniest person to clean a house with. He sings and dances and makes me laugh. I thought I’d take a little break from picking up to share some of his antics.

He likes to vacuum and sing Milkshake while doing a little butt pop and shoulder shimmy to everything that comes in his vacuum path.

Example: We haven’t yet put our suitcase in the attic from our recent trip to Florida so when he came upon it with the vacuum instead of picking it up and moving it he just pushes it aside with the vacuum while singing and dancing like, “My suitcase brings all the boys to the yard and damn right it’s better than yours…damn right.” He also did this with tennis balls from the dogs, boxes that are waiting to be taken to the recycles, and shoes…that is unless they are flip flops and he changes into another Wes classic.

We wear a lot of flip flops and most of the time we take them off in the den or bathroom or bedroom or wherever and just leave them till we put them on again so if you ever visit unexpectedly and we haven’t had a chance to go around the house and pick them up, chances are you’ll see a lot of them around. Wes likes to sing about it to the tune of Laffy Taffy. I.E. “Shake that flippy floppy, oh that flippy floppy.” He doesn’t know any other words so it’s mainly just repeating that over and over again. In fact, I can pretty much bet that after you read that and you know what song I’m talking about, you are now singing it in you head as well because it’s very contagious.

Those are the two basic repeaters he does, but sometimes he adds a few songs to change it up a little. He also likes to attack hug or kiss me while cleaning. It’s basically a huge bear hug with a loud yell of “Gotcha” not matter what I’m in the middle of doing.

I guess if we have to always do these mundane things, it’s better to do them with someone who will make it entertaining. With Duke around, we’ll be vacuuming and dusting forever so by adding something to laugh at makes it not seem so much like a chore. My favorite thing out of all of it is that when Wes notices me laughing at him he looks directly in my eyes with a serious face and calls me a retard like I’m the one dancing around topless with the vacuum, shaking my butt and shoulders, making up words to pop rap songs that I only know the chorus of. He’s so special!

So tomorrow the siblings come and then Friday we’ll have to do this all over again. I’ll be up to selling tickets to the Wes show if anyone’s interested! (*Wes said as long as they bring beer and sandwiches*)

If it’s gonna happen sometime…Then why not now?

Ghost Town

Recently I’ve spent some time back home in Destin…Ft. Walton Beach…Shalimar. It’s all the same but takes too long to explain where it all is. Half my heart will always be home, but I never remember what haunts me there until I spend the time to think and recall the things I once did and with whom I did them.

Even though I was born and raised basically in the same home for my whole life, I now feel like an outsider looking in when I visit. For so long it was all I knew and now I can’t even begin to imagine myself permanently there. I feel like an old lady because I’m constantly saying that’s new…that’s new…look at how much it’s changed. Yet, still I remember a story attached to almost every place.

Monday, I went to meet my Dad and Stepmother for wings and bowling and remembered when I was in high school we would go Buffaloes’ Reef for all you can eat wings. I recall watching Hunter and Seth downing dozens of wings (in one of many eating contests they participated in) and feeling sick to my stomach after eating like 8. Then we went to Whitesands Bowling where I ran into Katelyn, which brings up memories of bowling with friends in the wintertime. Once I was late for curfew (since it was insanely early) so ran out the door only to realize down the road when my foot kept slipping off the pedal (because I had these stupid blue light up petals instead of rubber ones) that I forgot to grab my shoes and were still wearing the rentals. Thank God I wasn’t so ancient that I didn’t have a cell to tell my friends to grab the ones I left. I did end up making those shoes, along with bowling pins, into some kitschy lamps later on in life. Why do I always want to make things into a lamp? Wes says it’s because I want to add a little bit of light to life.

Tuesday, I joined my mom and sister for Run With It’s weekly run club. I got the pleasant reminder not once, but twice of the night I almost died since I ran by the loading dock to get to the island home on the way there and back on the running route. It wasn’t a complete melt down situation or anything; I just try not to think of that instance and then it was right in my face. I did remember good things though too. Like the fact that my mom had such great motherly instincts, she knew to come look for me; or that even though it was freezing in the water, Nick swam across to get the boat to get me out of there. However, I also remember the people who turned on me and said I did it too myself. I may not remember much from that night, but I’ve never been the kind of person who couldn’t admit if I drank too much or experimented a bit so those people still can suck it.

Thursday, we went on the boat over to jetty east to swim in somewhat clean water. (I mean clean in the fact that it wasn't brown from river water washing in with too much rain or had too much seaweed floating about. Not once did I find oil in the water during my visit and I only saw a tar ball in the sand after desperately looking for it.) There I walked about the beach to see the disappearing homes. I remember looking forward to tourist season just to go to jetty east at night with girlfriends. That’s when I discovered that Michigan guys are the hottest; it was also when I first decided it’s always a good idea to lie about my age. Both of these discoveries traveled far with me through college. I was also the one to have to cigarettes (which made me awesome) because I would steal a carton at a time from my Dad without him realizing (come to find out he did notice, he just thought his smoking habit had picked up and thought about slowing it down). Smoking, however, did not follow me throughout college (unless I was hammered of coarse) and without Ken I was too poor to pay for cigarettes to supply to others.

Friday, Wes and I dropped off an old friend on Ferry Rd. We took Yacht Club around which definitely takes me down memory lane. In Middle School and High School, Yacht Club was the place to live…Nikki, Lalainya, Lauren, etc. It was a little strange pulling into 105 Ferry since I spent majority of my adolescents experimenting there. I was surprised that I didn’t remember it better. (We drove past it at first and then had to turn around to go back.) Some promises have no chance of survival but it’s sweet to remember being young and naive. I wonder if there’s still a waterbed in the side room. No one was home so I didn’t speak to anyone, but I did notice the yappy dogs remain.

I drove through the island passing what used to be the batting cages where I’d go for free because Amy worked at the mini golf center and what used to be the water park we would sneak in at night to ride the slides and other things during rainstorms. Behind the old, new Seagull is a pile of dirt where my first serious job used to be located. (I would ride my seadoo to work every sunny day and then get dropped off by mom on dark days.) Flamingo in now Fish Bar, Blue Point in no longer a bar, and just past the Destin Bridge is some awful monstrosity that only Walt Disney could think was a good idea to put in. The place I got married sits vacant and chain bars like Red Door Saloon and Electric Cowboy have settled in. Aj’s seems to be the only place that hasn’t changed much, although I do have a great memory associated with it, which involves me calling the cops on myself when my fake i.d. was rejected four months before my 21^st birthday.

Most of my friends have babies now or I have fallen out of touch with them since I have lost my phone too many times to keep numbers of people I never talk to. On Facebook I may have many “friends” but chances are most of them are as interested in seeing me as they are in going to a high school reunion for a school they didn’t attend. I’ll always have Kinsey at least…well…at least until I finally annoy her enough that she’ll either file a restraining order or move to Nashville like I want. It’s always great to be with her. No matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked we seem to just pick right back up where we left off. She is also key to finding the free drinks, I’ve recently learned. We had a lot of fun Wednesday night for ladies night. It must suck to be a boy in the Fort. Being with her makes me not want to grow up, which could be a problem in many cases.

As I head back to Nashville I realize that I can run as far away from home as possible but the memories associated remain till I come back and I’ll always come back because it is home after all and half of my heart keeps pulling me back. Although now, when I return I get to create new memories with my husband. Memories of seeing the Blue Angels for the first time, of eating pizza and drinking beer at the Picture Show, of breaking his back tubing, of laughing at the wannabe Lynard Skynard band at the bowling alley (now SwampDaWamp is his go to phrase for everything), of taking our dogs on a Yolo board ride, of fighting with Copeland’s minions at the condo, of catching crabs off to the side of crab island, of shooting off peoples sunglasses or putting out their cigarettes with water guns during bowlegs just to piss them off, of…, of…, of…; there’s more to come because half of my heart may be back home with the ghosts of Sydney past but my whole heart is wherever Wes is with Sydney present and future.

I have to move on sometime so…

If it’s gonna happen sometime, then why not now!

Run like the Wind Blows

Some runners may be animals, in desperate need of a pack leader; I am not that kind of runner. I am purely mental! In fact, I’m so mental that basically the only reason I am trying to run in the first place is because my mom and sister have taken it up and let’s face it, anyone who knows me knows: If you jump, I jump Jack!

Since starting this new little hobby, I have been talked into getting fitted for brand new shoes (even though I just bought workout shoes not even four months ago), signing up for a 5K (right dab in the middle of July), shelling out $6.00 for one pair of socks (because real runners don’t wear 100% cotton, they need wicking material), and buying an entire new workout wardrobe (I suppose it was time…my sports bras from high school cheerleading are losing their elasticity anyway).

I would have never guessed that running would be so expensive. I believe people when they say that shoes, socks, shorts, etc. are better for you if you use a certain kind, but I believe I’m only running a couple miles anyway. I’m not Forrest Gump traveling across the country. Maybe I’m cheap by nature. Most likely it’s because I’d rather spend $35 on a new fashionable top or put it toward super cute shoes than to match spandex hot pants to my amazing new sweat resistant wicking (practically see-through) running tank top. I now shop in the children’s’ section!

Same short, slightly longer in women's section $34.99. Size large in children's section $24.99; marked down $14.99 with an extra 30% off = $10.50. I say DEAL! It was cheaper than target!

As far as running groups go...no thanks! My stepmother wakes up before 7am to go running with girlfriends and I think she's slightly mad. First of all, you won't see me waking up that early to do anything yet alone exercise of any type. My Mom's running group makes a little more sense it's at 6pm only once a week. I'm just not that kind of runner. For one thing, I'm competitive so chances are I'm going to kill myself to try to keep up with people who are experts. Then there are the people who want to talk while they run...umm NO! I'm having a hard time breathing so why would I waste my energy making small talk. I also don't like watching people run from the back. You can be a skinny, no body fat %, pure muscle person but news flash...you jiggle. I jiggle! I don't like watching a bunch of stuff jiggling around in spandex in front of me. I really don't like the idea of anyone being behind me watching me jiggle. I also don't like running in a line side by side. CARS DRIVE ON ROADS. This is not a new concept. If we are running in lines then you have to figure out who drops back and get's over and loses concentration and blah blah blah. I'm already over it just thinking about it.

My running game is absolutely in my head. This is a normal conversation with myself.

Self: “All right your going to run well just like when you were ran cross country in school.”

1 mile later

Self: “It’s hot!”

1 mile later

Self: “Getting tired…run to that corner than you can walk and cool down.”

Get to the corner

Self: “OK you’ve made it this far so make it to the next street then walk.”

Get to that street

Self: “Your not dying yet so lets make it to the next corner”

…and so forth and so forth.

This works pretty good when using mapmyrun.com but when I don’t know exactly where I’m going I definitely start to walk a whole lot sooner than normal.

I’ll be in Florida the rest of the week which means that I’ll more than likely be joining my mother’s running group on Tuesday. This should be interesting. At least Wes will be there with me to get me over my dread of running with people. Oh well I suppose if it’s gonna happen sometime…then why not now?

Bad Reputation

A lady came in today to browse and then went into a story about how she was talking to her hairdresser about places to shop for children. She named the usual stores that we compete with, which is not unusual to hear. Another thing not unusual to hear is that she only came into where I work because she saw that I was working. Like many other people, she and her hairdresser have slowed, if not stopped shopping at Giggles because of “a very unpleasant woman” who works here. Many of you may know that woman as the “dragon lady” which I so nicely refer to her as.

I went on to explain to this lady that Diane is just a friend of the owners’ family who only works one day a week and if at all possible to not come on Tuesdays because that is normally when she is here. I assured her that she was not alone in the unfriendly feelings she was getting, but since I don’t own this store there was nothing I could do about it. Diane was given a job because her husband had died and she needed a reason to get out of the house so she works one day a week. That was over 4 years ago and she has recently remarried. I had hoped then she would quit after getting married, but no such luck.

I also explained that to this lady. I realized I probably told her more than I should have but I can’t stand it that dragon lady still works here. It’s just terrible business. She has terrible customer relations and absolutely no personality. The woman in my store couldn’t believe that someone would actually marry dragon lady since her disposition is so bad. I’ve told Sara Beth that customers complain consistently about her, but she told me to stop telling her about it because she knows and Diane is going no where so no point in beating a dead horse.

Last week, Sara Beth asked if I wanted the store. First, I have no passion for children’s clothes so no way would I want to be in the business forever. However, part of me wants it only to show how easy it would be to make this store a huge success. Sara Beth is sitting on a gold mine and has no ambition to make the store what it can be.

Step One: Get rid of dragon lady and cut back, if not cut out Sara Beth’s mothers’ input in the business. I love Jeanne. She’s super sweet and really pleasant to our customers, but she has some terrible habits too. She’s too involved in market and doesn’t really have up-to-date fashion knowledge. The girls who work next door have told me about occasions where she has locked up with a note on the door to come back later so that she can go get her nails done. She also will give the “family” discount to random people who are not family, which also brings me to step two.

Step Two: Get rid of family discounted hold items. I understand giving a discount to family member. I just don’t understand letting them put clothes on hold the entire season coming in periodically to buy an item here and there and then when they whole season goes 50% off, here they come and buy. That’s just stupid. Why give a family member the option to buy it at half of when someone else will pay full price. If you want the item buy it then or maybe put it on hold for 48 hours and then it’s back on the floor. Main rule in business…never mix family with business and step 1 & 2 would help draw a line a little.

Step Three: Don’t have sales at the same time each year. Right now everyone knows that in the summer we close the week of July 4^th and then when we re-open summer things go 50% off; in the winter we close Christmas through New Years and then when re-open everything goes 50% off. It’s not so bad in the winter because we have people coming in to buy Christmas gifts, but in the summer the entire month of June is just wasted time. Why pay full price now when if you wait 4 weeks you can get it half off?

Managing Arden B may have been a hellhole but at least it had an organizational method to how things were run. Here, it’s a crazy mess. One day we do things one way and the next it’s completely different. I try constantly to bring a system to work but nothing ever comes from it because if I’m the only one going with the system, there’s not a whole lot accomplished. I go days…weeks…never even speaking to Sara Beth. How can you be on top of what’s going on if you never even speak to your employees.

My girlfriend Leigh thinks I’m crazy to not jump on this opportunity. Especially since this store makes a profit now, even under these crazy conditions. I think there’s too much that set in stone now. It would be really difficult to come in and undermine a lot of what’s been going on for four years. I’d rather start completely fresh, then to try to make people conform to my idea of a successful structure. Like is sewing; it’s easier to make something from scratch, then it is to take a garment 4 sizes big and tailor it to fit you. Plus, you can’t teach old dogs new tricks and these women are really old. I’m so over it at this point and way too tired to try. Jack knows me best…http://music.aol.com/video/no-good-with-faces-aol-sessions/jack-johnson/bc:88816601001

(I swear sometimes he really write songs directly about me)

One day it’ll be my turn, but until then I have to just look at what I cannot change. If it’s gonna happen sometime…Then why not now?

Drinker with a swimming problem

My best ideas are not fueled with vodka!

I'm going to go with no, it's not such a great idea to split a case of beer, shoot lemon drops and then get on the diving board pretending to be a gymnast. If you can't do it on a trampoline, chances are you aren't going to pull it off on a diving board.

It's also not such a great idea to suggest we end the night by skinny dipping. What a great way to get to know your friends...or alienate them.

Cooking while intoxicated...can't even remember eating, so don't quite know how to elaborate on that subject, except there's always room for guacamole!

Things like this may have been fun in high school, but I'm 26 and married. At some point I do need to grow up and learn I don't need to drink as much as those around me. Try as I might, i will never be on the same drinking level as Kris Courtney. Wes is such a sport. He finds me quirky! He's also learned by now that telling me 'no' is not an option. He's smart and resorts to trickery!

Note to self: also not a good idea to discuss environmental, political, or work ethics with people who don't know you...EVER! (At least when you're dealing with friends, they realize when you're making fun of them or when you're over it and ready to move on.)

All I know is, it's probably a great thing that I left my camera at home. What I don't remember didn't happen; without proof, you can't authenticate I did anything!

Summer has officially arrived...with a BANG!

If it's gonna happen sometime...Then why not now?

Why you don't get hired!

What Not To Do When Job Hunting

Rule # 1: Don’t walk store to store with your girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, mother, aunt, etc. If you are grown up enough to have the responsibility of a job, then you are grown up enough to go by yourself to apply for it.

Rule # 2: Dress nicely. Come on people, this is the first impression you’re making. Don’t come after soccer practice all sweating and gross wearing baggy clothes. If you aren’t going to look presentable just merely asking if we’re hiring then no way in hell are we supposed to think you’ll show up to work looking presentable. And NO, wearing a school uniform does not count as being presentable. How about this…after school, go home, shower, put on a little make-up (little being key) and dress similar to what you would wear to church (I know for some people that doesn’t explain much but if you’re a true southerner you dress up for church as a sign of respect for GOD). Looking tidy shows confidence, as well as responsibility. Remember you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Rule # 3: Don’t chew gum. If you come in to talk to me about a job and you’re smacking away on gum I’ll say ‘We’re staffed!’ before you can even get out ‘Are you hiring?’ You’re pretty screwed if you have nasty long fake nail also.

Rule # 4: How about focusing on one thing at a time. Don’t come in my store to semi-shop and point out how expensive everything is then turn around and ask to work here. One lady had the nerve to ask if people actually pay these prices and then she wanted an application. WE’RE A SPECIALTY BOUTIQUE HERE PEOPLE…THIS ISN’T WALMART! Do people really think we’d still be in business for four years if no one paid full price? The same goes about saying something in the store is ugly, tacky, cheap looking, etc.

Rule # 5: People have to be able to understand what you are saying if you want to get a job dealing with customer relations like retail. Actual phone conversation:

 Me: “Thank you for calling Giggles”

  Person: “Yah Hirum”

 Me: “I’m sorry?”

  Person: “Es sayeses Are yah hi-es-rum?”

 Me: pause to think….”Oh … No… not at the     moment. Thank You”
  Person: to someone in the background before hanging up… “Isa telles ya deese ain’t ??????? timez ??? monez ??? something something..CLICK”

Rule # 6: Just because this is a baby store does not mean it will be a day care for you’re baby while you work here. This may or may not have been the assumption this girl had when applying here, but if you bring your baby out job hunting, then chances are people are going to question where the baby will be when you’re supposed to be working.

Rule # 7: Do Not rush into the store asking to use the restroom then blow it up with whatever crawled up and died in you and then proceed to ask about job opportunities. Better yet, how about never blowing up my bathroom ever. I get the great pleasure of smelling baby shit all damn day, the last thing I want is for some stanky green fog to start filling up the back end of the store because you ate some cheap Mexican for lunch.

Rule # 8: After being told there are no job openings, please do not proceed to ask me how much I make an hour or how often I work. I’m embarrassed enough about my lack of contribution to my family. I don’t need to tell you about it (not that I would) just so you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything.

Rule # 9: Don’t job hunt high or drunk. I can’t actually say that this really happened because I didn’t give a drug test or a breathalyzer, but this lady was definitely on something because me saying “We not at the moment” is not the least bit funny and I checked, there was nothing hanging from my nose or in my teeth or anything. I’d also like to note that if you smoke immediately before going into a store than YOU STINK. The smoke carries on. If you have to smoke, take a minute or so to walk it off so that you’re not bringing it into the store with you. Children come here; I’d hate to think they’re getting second hand smoke from you simply walking in.

Rule # 10: Get off your cell phone! This doesn’t necessarily only apply to those who are asking for a job. If you are entering a small space, please end your call outside before entering. I will smile and acknowledge you but I will not speak to you because you are rude and I’d hate to be rude like you and interrupt your phone call. Worst, don’t say, “Hold on” into the phone then look at me and ask me a question. Even worst, don’t ask if we’re hiring because you are rude and we don’t hire rude people!

That is my top ten for now. I’m sure I’ll have more to add to it at some point because Giggles seems to be a magnet for applicants. Because of this, I am beginning to understand why the job rate is where it is. I guess I should be happy I'm not on the hunt, but who knows what the future holds.

If it's gonna happen sometime...

then why not now?