Reason for the Season

So this year we did it. We followed the sheep. We introduced Grafton to Elf on the shelf. 

Why would we do this if from my obvious tone I seemed unimpressed with the idea of the elf? Because, to me, it is very important to nurture Grafton's inner child, grow his imagination, and quite frankly believe in the impossible and magic of life. That being said, I was bound and determined not to fall into the whole materialism of it all. I was not going to purchase special outfits or buy items to help Elf get into mischief. I didn't want Elf to focus on being good for the sake of presents. I wanted Elf to focus on why Christmas is celebrated in the first place. The obsession with Santa and presents is inevitable, but for as long as I can this house will turn our attention Jesus. So here is our story of Spencer the Christmas Elf who spreads the word of God each day for the 25 days of Christmas...

On the evening of November 30th, while reading Grafton his bedtime stories, elf surprised us all by setting the alarm clock to announce his prescience.

His letter:
Dear Grafton,
   Do you know what Christmas is about? Many times the meaning of Christmas is not always remembered.
   Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, our lord and savior. When we use the word meaning, we are talking about the purpose of His birth that Christmas is supposed to celebrate. His purpose was to enter the world and become on of us that He might deliver us from sin. Now because Jesus is about giving, instead of Him receiving gifts He chooses to give gifts to celebrate. Of course the best gift He gives is eternal life in heaven, but since he received three presents from the wise men at birth, he also enjoys giving three gifts through Santa to all the good boys and girls during his birthday celebration. (Stocking fill, Santa's bag, and 1 gift.) This is where I, your Christmas elf, come in. I have been sent to keep your focus on the true sense of Christmas, as well as, to keep an eye on your actions to see if you are following the teachings of the bible and deserving of Jesus' birthday gifts. I will be staying with you for a while, going to my home at the north pole on Christmas Eve. Every night when you fall asleep magic happens and I come to life to check in with Santa and let him know if you have been naughty or nice. Then after that, while you're in bed I get to have some fun for you to discover in the morning. So look for me each day and then you will see what I've been up to and what I can teach you. But first I need you to give me a name. I come with a book that helps to explain my magic some. Read it tonight so you will know the rules to my powers. I'm excited to join you to celebrate all the love and magic Christmas has to offer.
-God Bless-
   Your Christmas Elf

After we read the letter Grafton was still a little confused. We read the book but by then he was in sleepy mode and not paying attention too well. He did name him Spencer (because that is what he names everything. We also had spencer the spider at halloween, spencer the train in his toys, and now he thinks his new brother/sister also needs to be named Spencer [not gonna happen].). As simply as possible Wes and I explained that Spencer would use his magic to travel to visit Santa and Jesus to check in each night but that if you touched him, he would loose his magic and not be able to go. As for the rest of it, we hoped he would just catch on along the way.

Our first morning with Spencer.

December 1st
Bible Verse: John 3:16
Spencer Instructions: Read two passages in Grafton's Children's bible to learn more about the birth of Jesus and the miracles that that led up to it, during it, and afterwards.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Positioned on the coffee table reading the children's bible with Frosty propping the book up. (I had hoped by using frosty that it would give me one day without the constant theme song playing on repeat, but I was wrong. The first thing Grafton did was grab frosty and Spencer and the bible came falling down. On the plus side he didn't touch Spencer, per the instructions.)
We read the two passages during his bedtime stories and again went over Spencer's purpose with Grafton. (To spread Christmas time cheer through learning of the love of God and Jesus)

December 2nd
Bible Verse: Psalm 63:7
Meaning Intended: We can fly through life on the wing's of God's love which helps us through it all (The meanings behind each verse are explained by Mom & Dad of course).
Spencer's Whereabouts: Hanging onto one of Grafton's airplanes which hangs from the ceiling with the bible verse coming off the tail like a banner.
He was surprisingly not discovered there till almost bedtime even with a giant toilet paper trail.

December 3rd
Bible Verse: Job 37:10
Meaning Intended: All things are made by God therefor God should be apart of all things in our daily routine.

Spencer's Whereabouts: Freezing his butt off, wrapped in a Christmas towel next to the waffles. The bible verse wrapped from the outside-in to insure he would be found.


December 4th
Bible Verse: Matthew 19:26
Meaning Intended: Nothing is unachievable if you keep trying and allow God to be apart of your trials, tribulations and victory.

Spencer's Whereabouts: Flying from the staircase light fixture with Spiderman and Ironman. (Spencer was hung out of reach along with Spiderman and Ironman Strategically because my bible study group was coming over that morning for fellowship with their kids and Grafton does not share Spiderman and Ironman very well so I did not want to deal with that. It worked in that aspect but Grafton was not a happy camper that morning when he woke up. There were many many request to cut them down.)

December 5th
Bible Verse: 1 John 2:15
Meaning Intended: Media will not always show you the way towards Jesus. Do not trust in what it takes value in. If you put too much value in worldly items then you loose space in your heart for love of God.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Hanging onto the corner of the TV in our Living Room. (This was Wes' first idea and creative contribution.)

December 6th
Bible Verse: Psalm 139:14
Meaning Intended: You are special and perfect the way you are because God designed you that way. No need to ever change to please anyone since you please God just the way you are.
Spencer's Whereabouts: In a toilet paper snowman ensemble in the half bath. (These are not all ideas we come up with alone, many are taken from Pinterest but just tweaked to include a biblical message.)

December 7th
Bible Verse: John 8:12
Meaning Intended: God and Jesus brings us hope in even the darkest of circumstances.
Spencer's Whereabouts: On the Christmas tree holding onto Christmas lights.

December 8th
Bible Verse: Matthew 10:31

Meaning Intended: Never fear your value in this world. You mean more than you will ever realize to many, including God and Jesus.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Inside our very random empty birdcage. (Another gem from Wes but Grafton thought it was hilarious to see Spencer in the cage. Go figure that my husband and my three-year-old would have the same sense of humor.)

December 9th
Bible Verse: 1 Peter 4:10

Meaning Intended: Each one of us is given a gift from God. People spend their whole lives trying to figure out what their specific gift is. When you find it, use it for all the good it was intended for.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Inside Grafton's Christmas stocking on the mantle. (This surprisingly led to a much more philosophical conversation that I was just not prepared for. I have no idea what my godly gift is so there was no way to help Grafton figure out what his was. It was kind of a fail on all levels because Grafton did not like having Spencer in his stocking for some unknown reason. After continuous warnings that he'd loose his magic if he was touched, Grafton still decided to take him out and put him on the sofa which led to the next day's location.)

December 10th
Bible Verse: Ephesians 6:1

Spencer's Instructions: Work harder to follow the rules outlined and to listen to your parents the first time they say something.
Spencer's Whereabouts: On the sofa where Grafton had put him along with a pen and note addressed to Grafton explaining that he had lost his magic temporarily because he was touched, therefore he was not able to go to the north pole to talk to Santa.

December 11th
Bible Verse: Luke 6:48

Spencer's Instructions: Spencer brought a present to Grafton. He wanted him to work hard to put together the gingerbread 'house' but to remember that it will only work if built on a strong foundation.
Spencer's Whereabouts: On the kitchen table with a Gingerbread Train kit. (I had bought the kit before I knew I was going to use Spencer to present it. While I know that a house kit would have fit the theme better, I already had a train so I went with it. Grafton never noticed the difference. He is 3 after all. I was lucky a train was made at all seeing as all he really wanted to do was eat the icing rather than put it together.)

December 12th
Bible Verse: Psalm 119:103

Meaning Intended: The word of God is more satisfying that any treat out there. (I may have gone a little too literal on this one but I saw this with maple syrup on Pinterest and thought it was too cute so I stretched a bit.)
Spencer's Whereabouts: In the kitchen pantry drinking honey. (Family made honey by the way so if you ever see it- get it. It's delicious! Shameless plug for Barrett family honey but who cares. It wasn't my intention when I placed Spencer there.)

December 13th
Bible Verse: Proverbs 21:8
Spencer's Instructions: Trust in God to show you the right way in life.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Upstairs playing Twister with some of Grafton's action figures and stuffed animals. (Another strategic move here. Grafton has been wanting to be entertained lately with Wes and I playing twister and falling down. This gave us a break from it. Plus he doesn't know his right from his left consistently yet so when he spins he just makes up which hand/foot goes on a color and if it lands in the middle of the color we have to use both feet/hands to reach both. He also thinks because there is a picture of a sock on the board that you have to play it in socks. This makes it really difficult for inflexible old farts like ourselves.)



December 14th
Bible Verse: Proverbs 14:14

Meaning Intended: The faithless get what they deserve and good people deserve their reward. (This kind of worked out perfectly because Spencer fell off the banister early in the day proving the whole point of just dessert. Grafton learned his lesson about not touching him too cause he laid on the stairs all day without moving.)
Spencer's Whereabouts: Sliding backwards down the stair banister.

December 15th
Bible Verse: Isaiah 41:13
Meaning Intended: You never have a need to fear because you are never alone. God is there beside you always holding your hand along the way.
Spencer's Whereabouts: In the hallway, riding on Grafton's bumper car with sock monkey. (This is another one from Wes. There's a little backstory to it. Grafton is absolutely terrified of this sock monkey for some reason. It was in Wes' stocking last year from his Mom and when you pull it's legs to shoot it across the room it hollers like Tarzan. For some reason it has been Wes' mission to not make him afraid of it so they can play with it. It's sort of working...)

December 16th
Bible Verse: Matthew 4:4
Meaning Intended: If you live without God in your life you will forever feel a void and a hunger for something more.
Spencer's Whereabouts: He was roasting marshmallows on a skewer over a candle. (Grafton came and got me to show me how 'silly' Spencer was then proceeded to eat both marshmallows without touching or even moving Spencer. He definitely sneaked in some sugar before breakfast that morning. Hanging onto the cross was not intentional but this little booger is hard to position to do the things I want him to so improvisation is key)

December 17th
Bible Verse: Exodus 33:14
Meaning Intention: If you ask for Him, he will ease your mind and give you peace at time of need. God can give your heart rest simply by involving him into your dilemmas.

Spencer's Whereabouts: Taking a nap while snuggling up to 'baby Aubie' (Grafton's luvie version of the blanket he sleeps with every night) in a makeshift reindeer decoration bed. (Grafton was really excited to find him with baby Aubie. He thought it was great. When I asked him if it was okay if Spencer borrowed him for his nap time, he happily replied that'd he share him with Spencer for as long as he needed.)

December 18th
Bible Verse: Ezekiel 3:12
Meaning Intended: Praising our Lord and Savior will lift your spirits every time because he is worthy of our praise. Praising him with your actions will always take you to higher places.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Sitting above the stove range. (Full disclosure- I forgot to move Spencer cause old man Wes and I went to bed early the night before so this was literally thrown together directly after Grafton woke up and was still in a morning fog. Thank God I don't have an early riser or a morning child because otherwise Spencer might have still been napping. Misdirection helped me pull it together after I looked up scripture to go with the first location I saw.)



December 19th
Bible Verse: Jude 1:1
Intended Meaning: A call to be united with fellow worshipers united in a love for Jesus through God's undying love.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Spencer got himself in a tricky situation when he was trying to help wrap presents. He's covered in wrapping paper scraps sitting on top of the tape dispenser on the coffee table.

December 20th
Bible Verse: Ecclesiastes 3:11

Intended Meaning: The beauty in the world around was made by God. Find happiness in the little things by searching for the beauty in everything knowing that God did it all for a purpose.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Spencer showed off his artistic side by drawing a nativity scene on the chalk board of Grafton's easel. (To add a bit of whimsy he also managed to get chalk all over his face which Grafton found so silly.)

December 21st (This one was a two part surprise.)
Bible Verse: Galatians 6:0
Spencer's Instructions: If you follow the instructions then you will 'reap' what you 'sow'. First Grafton needed to plow the field (with the fork). Then, plant the seeds. Followed by sprinkling it all with magic dust. Then he needed to patiently wait to see what might grow.
Spencer's Whereabouts: Sitting on the kitchen island with a fork, a cup (full of cornmeal [dirt]), another cup (full of powdered sugar [magic dust]), and a third cup (full of crushed mints [seeds]). He also left specific steps to try to grow a garden surprise.

December 22nd
Bible Verse: Job 34:11
Intended Meaning: Everyone eventually gets what they deserve based on the work they do. Do not be discouraged if you don't see your reward when you think you should, but keep up your good deeds and you will receive the ultimate prize of a throne in heaven along side Jesus and God.
Spencer's Whereabouts: The garden Grafton planted the day before was moved to the window to get sunlight next to our Basil Plant. It had miraculously sprouted candy canes. Spencer sat beside it. (To add a bit more whimsy he also sprouted flower petals and leaves of his own.) Grafton was so excited to tell his daddy and me about the garden he grew and to receive a candy cane treat that he planted.

December 23rd
Bible Verse: Proverbs 15:3
Intended Meaning: God sees everything and knows everything. Working to please God everyday throughout the year is much more valuable than working to please Santa only one time a year.
Spencer's Whereabouts: He was sitting on the front door's wreath peaking into the house through the front door window.



December 24th (Our last day with Spencer)
Bible Verse: James 1:17
Spencer's Instructions: Spencer left a note saying his goodbyes to Grafton. He wanted to know he enjoyed learning about Jesus and God with him and to also give the first gift of Christmas to him. His last lesson was to make sure Grafton knew that every good gift he receives is ultimately from God who cannot be changed but is a light in our lives forever.

Spencer's Whereabouts: Under the Christmas tree holding a present to  be opened for Christmas Eve. (Each Christmas Eve we have always given Grafton a Christmas book, Christmas Ornament, Christmas PJ's, Christmas Movie and hot chocolate. This year Spencer gave Santa's Favorite Story; Santa Tells the Story of the First Christmas, the annual Swarovski snowflake ornament, [We had to give Grafton his Christmas Pjs early because his preschool had a Christmas program where all the kiddos were to wear their Christmas Pjs so they weren't included this year], Charlie Brown Christmas, and Snoopy Hot Chocolate Mix.)

It didn't take long for Grafton to catch onto the concept of Spencer and all the joy and magic he brings. Each morning his face lit up when he stumbled across him and asked with such excited for one of us to read the note he left and explain what it meant. Making the Elf on the Shelf more about the word of God and focusing on Christmas being about Jesus' Birthday rather than it being about Santa's presents was more time consuming but so much more rewarding to us all. I won't lie, it was a little exhausting but I will be doing it again next year and the year after that and so on until Grafton's Elf runs out of belief magic.

There's a famous quote that says, "If we don't teach our children who God is someone else will teach them everything that He isn't."- Darlene Schacht and 'As for me and my house. We will serve the Lord.'- Joshua 24:15 therefore every day is a new learning opportunity to spread His great message. After all-

If it's gonna happen sometime...

     then why not now!

"Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it"

Perhaps by the title, you would think that this entry would be about the Iron bowl. Yes, the win has impacted our life but not in a way something else has.

This December, Wes and I have been together for 10 years and we'll be married for 7 come March. We have been very lucky in life. Both of us have been able to find and keep jobs; we bought a great fixer upper and have slowly made it a wonderful home with many amenities; Duke is still with us after 13 years and we added a fireball named Kahlua almost 4 years ago; and last year we grew our family again by adding a son. By all accounts when it came to life- we were winning.

Some things came easy for us, because lets face it we're awesome :) but really the reason Wes and I both are on top is because neither one of us are afraid of work. We aren't afraid to get our hands dirty and spend hours doing something that may take others minutes if it will save us money. We also know the value of the dollar and don't spend what we don't have. We pay our bills in full every month and if we don't think we'll be able to pay in full, we will simply go without. I am lucky to have found a man who thinks of life the way I do and can see the big picture rather than fall victim to the wants of the moment. Is it luck? Or did I will this to be so?

Many may have heard me say from time to time that I believe in the power of will. If you repetitively think of how you want things to work out, then it will be. You must simply send your power to it. So yes- I willed our finances to be so with my budgets, and my calculator, and negotiations. I willed Wes to be my husband once I fell for him with my awesomeness, and thoughtfulness, and love. I even believe I willed our first to be a son with timing, sexual positions, and diet. I had a plan in mind and with relentless determination I willed it to come together.

Everything was happening. True it was not my original life plan, but once I fell for Wes, my planned changed. I knew I was to marry him and be happy forever. We were to have two children when I was 28 and 30. The first to be a boy and the second a girl. We were to put family first and make great traditions and memories to share. I want to be that family that is perfect but in a way that makes us amazing, not annoying. It was going according to plan because I willed it to be.

I was stupid. I assumed I was the one who could plan our life.

As with the plan in my mind, it was time to go for the second child. A child I wanted something fierce, but was too embarrassed to let it be known how bad. Grafton is such an amazing boy. If I could have another just as great I would be in heaven. So Wes agreed to try once we moved back to Nashville because he didn't trust me to be pregnant and moving. (I don't blame him. I don't think I could promise to not lift the heavy items if it meant it would be done sooner.) Nobody gets pregnant the first try unless it's the stupid children so see on Maury or Springer but we did.

Just like before I was super optimistic. My sister is the one who worries about everything under the sun. I'm more go with the flow. What's meant to happen will happen. With Grafton, we never got any of the test to see if he could be disabled. We never even found out the sex of the baby because we wanted a surprise. I had planned to do everything the same. No need to worry. The first one was smooth sailing so the second has to be even more worry free right? We even took a picture to announce the new arrival at only 6 weeks pregnant. I made cards to send out to family and close friends around Thanksgiving. I was on top of this and ready to begin yet another chapter.

At almost 7 weeks pregnant we went to the first doctors appointment. You can tell something is wrong by the look on a doctors face. She didn't say a word. She didn't have to. It felt like hours of silence when it was probably less than minute. 'I'm going to send you to a specialist because I'm having a hard time locating the baby. It could be simply that it's too small and behind some of the sac but I want to be sure."

One hour later we are in the hospital. The ultra sound tech pulled in the Radiologist to make sure she was accurate on her findings. An irregular shape to the sac, bleeding, but there's a heartbeat and a baby and a mass. We return to my Doctor for the results. She's optimistic. She wants to be wrong in what she's thinking. At this point we have been with medical staff for over 7 hours. Lots of emotion. Lots of concerns. Lots of prayers. I had been having nightmares of twins since the pee strip showed a plus sign but during the last ultrasound I prayed to God to let it be twins, triplets, down syndrome, cerebral palsy, whatever as long as it was mine. God listened and gave me a heartbeat. I was satisfied for the time.

One week later, same doctor. Same outcome. Another specialist. Another prayer. Different diagnosis. Irregular shape sac, lots of bleeding, no heartbeat, no baby, and a mass. Suspected molar pregnancy. Lots of tears along with a new fear of miscarrying before I make it to the scheduled surgery. Nothing like going through the day thinking every fart will lead to a bleeding delivery of an already dead baby.

One week later, same doctor. Different hospital. Too much WebMD. Me, sleepless, undergoing a D&C with still a sliver of hope or wonder if there was a baby. I even remember asking the CRNA who pulled me out over and over if there was a baby. She reassured me there wasn't. There were not twins, triplets, down syndrome, cerebral palsy, whatever and it was definitely not mine. It was God's.

I didn't think poor me poor me, why of all people did it happen to me. (well maybe I did for a split second) I thought that I deserved this. What an unusual feeling right? I know I have a past full of being a not the greatest person. I'm justmental. I'm selfish. I'm conceded. I'm mean. I'm spoiled. I have hurt many people and I've lied more than I can remember. All of this has been because of my insecurities in life, in myself, in my worth, and in my beliefs.

In the shower, I got down on my knees and cried. I have never felt such a loss in my life. Not only were my children taken away, but I was still getting morning sickness as if nothing had changed, as if it were still happening, as if I didn't just undergo surgery to remove the remnants of my plan. My husband, my mom, my sister were all living their life. Sure they were there for support, but no one knows how to support an empty women. There is no words that make this feeling ok. I don't want pity. I didn't want to hear how everything happens for a reason. I didn't want to hear how I'm so lucky to have one and some people don't even get that. I don't know what I wanted. Maybe to know that my feelings were valid. I loss a child. Sure maybe I didn't get to name it, or see it's face, or know it's sex, but I had plans for it. I was ready to announce it to the world as it was leaving mine. I wanted so bad to have someone to blame for this and I only came up with myself. If this was truly a punishments for my indiscretions then that would mean God is vengeful which I don't believe. Each time I look at Grafton I'm overwhelmed with sadness because he may not get to experience what I did growing up closely with my sister.

I just had my follow up appointment with my doctor yesterday and her initial thought of us being able to try again in around three months has now been pushed back to at least a year, if at all. There goes my plans. I supposed the will wasn't there. My pathology result came back and it was a partial mole. There was one viable child. It couldn't be seen in a basic ultrasound because of the mole. So there was a heartbeat at 7 weeks, but by 8 weeks the unviable child had 'infected' the viable option. So now I know that I was meant to not have two children. An even deeper loss. 

Thankfully there were no precancerous cells found, but I now have to go every two weeks for blood checks to make sure my HCG levels improve. If not, then that means not all was removed and it could eventually lead to cancer, which easily spread to my lungs and leads to chemo. Now I realize I'm fast forwarding to the worst case scenario but that is the dark place I'm in right now.

I'm not writing this because I want someone to come solve my problems or feel sorry for me or get pissed at me for feeling this way. I hope that maybe, just maybe, writing this and putting it out there will release some of this anger and let me go back to being thankful for all the other blessings in my life because right now I'm knowingly thinking ridiculousness. I continuously read Facebook updates just to think 'you self absorbed prick that's not even a problem' (just like I'm sure some people who are reading this think). I listen to the stupid possible worries of soon to be parents and I'm envious of them. I can't even look at all the damn pregnancy pics that circulate without wanting to punch them in the face for complaining about their morning sickness or cravings. AT LEAST YOU ARE GETTING A BABY AT THE END. When these feelings end and there is no more sickness or sleepiness or headaches, I will simply have to go back to before if possible. Plus I already gained weight since it was twins and my boobs got big and tender and all the other shit that happens when you're expecting. I pray that soon my body will realize that this thing is not happening and resolve itself. I begin Depo in two weeks to prevent pregnancy for at least a year. I hope the hormones from the birth control will speed the process of returning my body and side effects to normal.

Silver lining is I didn't have to go through more of the pregnancy just to produce a dead baby, but now I feel as if there's a fantom baby haunting me. One thing I know for sure. It is not my plan; it is not my will; it is God's plan and God's will that determines the outcome. It's hard for me to relinquish control, but better late than never.

Whatever-
It is what it is.
Everything happens for a reason.
Life happens.
Blah blah blah
I guess I never meant this more than now.
If it's gonna happen sometime...
      than why not now?

It came to me slowly as a negative being developed.

It has almost been one year since Grafton came and as a look back I've noticed quite a few interesting...well I don't know what to call it- Double Standards, misconceptions, expectations, stereo types, whatever. I've comprised a quick 10 list for those who aren't quite in the know of the expectations of modern day mother. Women's equality hasn't quite gone as far as we hoped.

#1) It doesn't matter how long you actually 'labored', the fact that you did it all natural (no drugs), or the fact that you did it ALONE; some ignorant asshole will tell you that you had it easy. There is no such thing as a pain free birth and if there is I'd look into a possible drug problem.

        *Note to all: It doesn't matter what your story is. Everyone woman thinks they had the worst labor. It's painful and long and there's a freaking 14+ inch head coming out of a hole that is uncomfortable to get a super-plus tampon in. IF YOU ARE MALE-DO NOT COMMENT ON THE EASE OF CHILD BIRTH. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HOW PASSING KIDNEY STONES IS THE SAME THING.

#2) When Dad picks up a crying baby, he's automatically 'so hands on' or 'so helpful' and 'aren't you lucky'. It doesn't matter that Dad had to pick up the baby because Mom is busy cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, running a bath, all at the same time as working 40+ hours a week at a completely different job. Mom is expected to do everything. There are no expectations for Dad- so anytime he steps in he's automatically parent of the year.

#3) Mom reads all the books- Dad takes credit for knowing the information you give him.

        * I read 12 baby books while pregnant.
        * Wes read 1/4 of one.
        * Babywise is the book Wes tells all new parents to read because I found it helpful, but he has not even cracked the cover.

#4) Mom puts baby on a schedule and makes sure to stay on it on a daily basis with military precision. Dad tells friends how important a schedule is, but never remembers when it's time for baby to eat or sleep.

#5) No matter how many times you tell him, Dad will never understand why socks need to match babies' outfit. This means even if there is a wardrobe change and the previous socks don't match new outfit- must change to new socks.
        *Every moment can be a picture opportunity-the kid must always be ready.


#6) After working a full time job, Mom will want to spend every weekend second with the family playing and hanging out. Dad will be the one who suggest to do something completely selfish: babysitter, fishing, concerts, skiing, etc.

#7) Being with the baby to Mom is playing, exploring, learning, hands on, sitting on the floor together, reading a book... Being with the baby for Dad is hanging out of the sofa, depending on the pacifier, watching the television.

#8) Mom will cut fingernails, take rectal temperature, introduce new food, clean up throw up/poop/snot, prepare food for every baby meal... Dad will tell you how to cut the fingernails correctly, be scared of putting thermometer in butt, only feed tried and true favorite food items, and announce every time they have to change a poopy diaper like they deserve a prize, ask what to feed for every meal.

#9)It is Mom's responsibility to make sure the diaper bag is stocked: diapers, wipes, snacks, toys, pacifier, back up pacifier, change of clothes, hat (both sun hat & beanie because the weather changes easily), sunglasses, camera, etc. Dad will remind you every time you've forgotten something.

#10) No matter what the differences are, or how separate we see parenting- when we see this little guy smile we forget how much our life has changed and can't remember how we enjoyed things without him. 

It may be getting about time to double the pleasure. Who knows?

If it's gonna happen sometime...

         Then why not now?

The Day Our Whole World Changed

March 26th- 36 weeks 6 days pregnant

5:30pm
      Begin to get ready for St. John's Annual Spring fling benefit. Shower, Shave, Hair, Make-up and heels (for first time in months).

7:00pm

      Arrive at Jackson Lake Lodge to begin the evening's shindig. Begin with cocktail hour.

8:00pm
      Seated and dinner is served. Haven't eaten all day so STARVING. Slightly pissed at Wes for not feeding me (cause it's always his fault and all).

8:30pm
      Band begins. People begin to either dance or leave.

9:00pm
      Phillip and Kristen join our table.

9:05pm
      Table wine is running low.

9:15pm
      I begin to go to the abandoned tables to collect leftover wine bottles. I figure if I have to be sober, the least I can do is entertain myself by getting everyone else sloshed. No glass left unfilled policy! 

10:00pm

      Master plan is working! (Wayne's World Moment)

10:30pm
      Finally got Wes drunk enough to begin dancing.

11:30pm
      Music's still going but crowd is starting to dwindle. Dancing shoes are really getting broken in now.

March 27th- 37 weeks pregnant

12:00am

      Wes is starting to get a second wind, I'm starting to try to pack it up.

12:30am
      Get in car to drive the 40 min. back to the house. I begin to have a feeling in my belly.

1:15am
      Finally back at home. Get in bed but contractions are too annoying to really sleep. I assume they're just braxton hicks. Wes' drunk ass is passed out.

3:00am
      Google 'How Do You Know If You're Really in Labor'. It says if you can walk it off then the contraction is probably a braxton hicks and not real labor. Stupid me, convincing myself that this is not happening just walked up and down the hallway until they stopped. Anyone can tell you if you walk long enough any contraction will stop.

4:00am
      Doing a lot of walking.

5:00am
      Start feeling like I need to go to the bathroom so in between walking the hallway, keep stopping by the toilet to use it. Sometimes I do and others I don't.

6:00am
      Begin to realize that this could actually be real. 

6:25am
      Go back into the bedroom to get my phone to start timing the contractions with an app I have. As I begin to reach over to grab it I feel a weird sensation in my belly and run to the bathroom as liquid starts dripping down m legs. Make it to the toilet in time for most to get in the bowl and not make a mess.

6:30am
      Wake up Wes and say,"I think my water just broke". Wes' first mistake- "Are you sure?" "Well either I just peed on myself or my water just broke". In his still drunken state he looks at me dazed. So I call my Mom and wake her up for help to find out if my water broke or not. She's in a sleeping state so not much help. Call the hospital and explain I'm not sure what's happening.

6:40am
      Make Wes get up and start getting ready for the hospital. Change clothes, brush teeth, get in car.

7:00am
      Make it to the hospital and get settled into triage room. Quickly get annoyed with Wes. Hot as hell. Ask repeatedly to turn the air down. Wes' second mistake- grabs my gown and tries to flap it to cool me off. My first time remembering being a bitch- I slap his hand away. After I swat him away he grabs a pillow to fan me with (much better option).

7:10am
      Getting really annoyed with Nurse and the stupid monitors they put on me. I'm going to a natural childbirth and begin to think I'm not going to be able to do it.

7:15am
      Keep escaping to the bathroom to be alone, plus I still feel like I need to use the bathroom.

7:25am
      Nurse comes in to check to see how far dilated I am. (Dr. still not there)6cm. Time to move to the LDR. Rest along the way because of apparently my legs don't work during contractions.

7:45am
      Nurses try unsuccessfully to get an IV in 3 different occasions.

8:00am
      On the floor to the side of the bed while nurses mess with the IV. It feels best to be on hands and knees. Really feel like if I could just poop I'd feel so much better. At this point I've lost my sense of embarrassment of poop so thinking about trying.

8:03am
      Decide these people have seen poop before so go for it. Fluid rushes all around me and I realize that maybe I should have told someone about my decision to poop. Look between my legs and see a purple balloon and scream, "What is that". Wes' third mistake- while at my head, lifts up my gown to check (like he's a doctor or something. What the hell is a drunk husband going to know about it?) My second time remembering being a bitch-"Don't look at me"

8:04am
      Nurse runs over from the other side of bed (Still no Doctor). "We got a head here", she says. Still on hands and knees on the floor beside the bed.

8:05am
      Already pushing again without knowing it and the rest of him arrives. Wes, "It's a boy". I'm screaming "Is it ok, wait it's a boy?" I think he hit the floor because I felt all alone, but thankfully the nurse caught him. Wes had to tip toe through the nasty mess I made on the floor to cut the umbilical cord. I didn't get to see it cause of course I'm on my hands and knees still and all the action is behind me.

Grafton Collings Schreiber

6lbs. 1oz

8:05am

Born the way a horse is.

We weren't prepared. We didn't have a hospital bag packed, the car seat was not installed, didn't think to bring a camera, and I spent the six hours before his birth trying to get his daddy drunk for my entertainment. At least I shaved my legs because of the Spring Fling. We were blessed. 24 hours made the difference of him not being premature. Besides some tearing, there were no complications during labor. The doctor finally arrived 15 minutes after he was born to remove the placenta and sew me up. I was not a happy pregnant person, so I'll never complain about him being early since he was healthy. And so it is...

If it's gonna happen sometime,

      Then why not now?